First you must make LOTS of the text on your page

The achieves the maximum distraction of the reader and annoys them quite well.
Librally spronkle spelimg mistaks throw your document.
Next type your text in a color which really stands out against the background.
Failing that try to make every word or even every letter a different color.
Use lots of Marquees - They don't work with Netscape Browsers
White text on a black background is really good when it comes to printing out a web page and also saves on the black ink. 
 Use italics all the time It looks really cool.
Use lots of different fonts especially fonts which the reader is not likely to have on their computer  and which probably won't be displayed.
Typing in the symbolfont is a good way of making what you type completely unintelligable
Whilst yer at't makes shore yous iklud lots uv thangs that sho off yore gud grammer, likes I's done.
Naked Woman PictureDon't forget to include lots of graphics and then forget to upload them to the web site. Make sure your captions below or above the graphic are totally NOT relevat to the graphic. Like this one.
South American Swamp Rat
How to raise rabbits.
As an alternative to writing in a non contrasting colour, you can try this effect: 
A really rotten background. 
It's so bad, that you can't read 
No matter what colour you type in white,pink,light orange,lt. yellow, light green, light blue, light lavender, or even black. 
All of them stand out really badly against this background. . 
You want to make sure to place plenty of colourful banner advertisements on your page. These help to draw attention and increase your hits. Always be sure that you choose a banner that is completely out of contrast with the rest of your page, like this one:

If you find this banner hard to read, then you can be sure if you participate in one of the free banner exchange services and use this as your banner, you will attract LOTS of visitors to your site.

Everyone likes popup windows - they give the viewer some pretty DON'T CLICK THIS!'s to click on while they are waiting for your page graphics to load

Include lots of Java - especially one's which take at least 3 min. to load and then don't work properly. 
This colorizer effect is so pretty, we recommend you use it liberally. An entire page of text written in it would be very psycadelic and will make you want to let your hair grow and start giving away flowers while burning your draft card. Not to mention using the old fashion phrase "Cool Man!"
Make sure your page disgusts or offends at least three factions and then put your email address on it so they can send you nice comments.
Include lots of links which need checking at least once every decade to make sure they work.
lways amke ruse ouy chek fro lla syotp nad rreoct htem
Visitor really love to see text that looks like a link but is not, so be sure and include lots of blue text that is underlined. Let's face it, it will give them something to do while listening to the really bad midis you have included.
Let's not forget sound. Make sure it autostarts, loops and that you hide the controls from the visitor. At the appropriate time of year you can add an mp3 which everyone is already sick of and even add some distracting falling graphics. Of course for best effect leave this on your page for at least a month more than the 'appropriate' holiday. At other times of year choose your midis very wisely 
 making sure they are completely out of tune like this one. Nah! We are not prepared to do that to you. If you would like to hear a  REALLY bad midi click here.
Talking of  'click here' here.
Frames are fun - especially if within another another another frame....On a good web page you would never put a link to get out of a frame but if you do then make sure it leaves an extra window open.
Some truly great effects can be achieved by using a table.
you take care with alignment of the cells
Carefully Cells can span columns - good in the middle 
of a table


This bit takes
choose The 
special care
Layers can be very useful, but of course, you should
This is a layer used effectively.
always arrange the layers so that they cover up an essential bit of text. If you can arrange it so that they cover up the instructions then so much the better.

Finally we have spent a great deal of time creating a web page with as many mistakes in it as possible. We think we have covered everything but if you can think of anything we left out pleasesend us an e-mail and we will endevour to include it. E-mail us  



Include an ugly page counter - if you can't find one then use one of these and mess with the code to make it more obvious. Lie about how many visitors the page has had.  
LE FastCounter

Oh! Almost forgot. Be sure to include a few links to pages which drool praise for your own pages.(our own favourite is PCWorld's recommendation that we be voted Site of the year)
Worst Site Design
Ugly (We especially like their link to a defunct website)
'Hilarious page'

If you really MUST know how we achieved some of these wonderful effects then maybe you should look at our explanatory page.

Oops. Shouldn't the 'Finally' bit be here? Oh what the heck.....

This is a polite way of telling someone what you think about their 'great' web pages.

- and at the same time let them see some nice adverts :)


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